Tag Archives: delusion

ONE DAY

one day

I got used to a fantasy world
I knew I’d wise up one day.
Give up a dream I was making.
So tired of living in someday.
When it started I was younger
Not quite as bright as today.
Settled for crumbs of your love.
So tired of living in someday.

I tolerated each of your myths
And lived with being miserable
Hoping things would get better
Always waiting for the miracle.

I gave in so easily to the idea
That it was all about just you.
I did it all without questioning
Whatever you wanted to do.
It was dreamwork those days
All made of mirrors and smoke
And felt like the kind of high
You get from illegal tokes.

I exaggerated on your myths
And lived like an acolyte
Like your personal Cleopatra
Waiting for the snake to bite.

I told myself I would win
If I held on to you some way.
So, I gathered all my assets
And invested them in someday.
I can’t say your habit was
That you treated me like dirt.
But, I also can’t say to you
That your treatment didn’t hurt.

I am through with your myths
And living feeling so miserable.
I know things won’t get better;
I won’t ever see a miracle.
When it started I was younger
Not quite as bright as today.
Settled for crumbs of your love.
So tired of living in someday.

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CONUNDRUM

CONUNDRUM BW

They had it upside down
The called the sky the ground
And tried to make me believe it.
There was nothing to relieve it.
It was unremitting delusion
And they called it illusion
When as hard as I would try
To agree, it was still a lie
And living a lie can kill
As it too often will.

To whom do you turn to trust
When something inside you is busted,
Something that makes you tick
Keeps you from getting sick
And works better than dope
To help you feel hope
Instead of bleak view
That ends with destruction
Of you.

Sweltering and suffocating
Feeling like I’m smothering
Something is deadly wrong
With this kind of mothering,
Fathering, something awry.
Something that should not be
Turning into something else;
Something that is fatal to me

What do you do when they say
What is wrong is right, up is down,
And nothing is funny, so nobody
Is just kind of joking around.
Instead they are serious
And life is mysterious
But not in a good way;
What can you say?

GOING BACK FOR MORE

GOING BACK

When you go back
Maybe it is to even the score
But it scares us.
Being hit one time should
Tell you that you are
Just going back for more.
The past has promised
Nothing will probably
Ever change.

You don’t seem to know
How it hurts those
Who love you so.
You can’t seem to fit it
Into your head
That we fear the next call
Will be to tell us
That you are dead.

He beats you and then
When he is not
He’ll saying ugly things.
That’s the kind of
White knight you have got.
You call him wonderful
When he’s not a snot.
We keep telling you
Wake up, wretched girl
He is certainly not.

Sometimes you tell us
You want to give him a chance
To explain things to you
But he can only give
Some more lies because
That’s what liars do.

And you tell lies as well
Or why else go back
To that personal hell?
You go back because
To be alone scares you
Almost as well
As being berated and
Beaten like a bell.

But we don’t want this!
To know you are hurting
And bruised by
A man you should be deserting
For a life where people
Can be trusted with love
And not to shove a fist
Into a battering glove.

Don’t go back, beloved.
If you do you tie our hands.
Some of us understand
But that doesn’t mean
That we agree with your choice.
Listen to the voice
Of reason when we say
Don’t go back for more today.
Or ever again.

(Image from: definitelyfilipino.com)