coming to

They say the black holes
Are all in outer space;
But I lived with my own,
Hiding behind my face.
There was never a night
As dark as in my mind
And from time to time
It was as if I were blind.

I couldn’t see reality
Or see what was right.
There was no truth
I was afraid to fight.
I heard the helpful words
Of friends worried for me.
But all their kindness
Only managed to bore me.

I told myself I was looking
For something true and pure,
And what that something was
I was never all that sure.
It was something about trust
And feeling I was needed
But drugs and alcohol always
Came in and interceded.

At first it was to help me
To relax and be what I was,
But soon it became a crutch
And I could not see the cause.
When I lost the ability to stop
Once the first drink was taken.
It seemed just a few months
Then my integrity was forsaken.

Still wanting someone to want me,
My heart missing a huge chunk,
I harbored a huge resentment that
Nobody wanted a hopeless drunk.
I kept ranting to God and the world
That I needed a lover to be found.
I never managed to realize
It had to be the other way around.

Then one day I saw that I
Was in a downward spiral.
The disease I was suffering from
Was not something viral.
And I would never get better.
This was how it would be.
The only soul to rescue me
Was me. Only me.


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