I used to look like a famous person,
And I swear I really still do.
I started out looking like Dagwood
And now I resemble Mister Magoo.
On a fairly regular basis
I had to shave my face
And gripe about it as I did; now
There are hairs all over the place.
Oh, I remember times quite well
I used to bend to pick up a coin.
Then quickly stand right up again.
Now it causes pain in my groin.
I’d stand before the mirror, I’d
Spend much time combing my hair.
It had to look lush and thick
Now it’s gone, so I no longer care.
Because my forehead has grown
Much longer than my tresses.
I no longer have to worry
About any tangled messes.
I used to be able to eat
Anything put before me
But now I have to watch
What I munch on carefully.
Some things bind me,
And stop all activity,
And some things make me
Take potty trips frequently.
I’d bitch about this aging stuff
But I have learned not to whine
Because I am still around.
So, longevity is mine.
Some people ridicule me
Because I walk slowly
I tell them I hope they can walk
When they are as old as me.