GREAT MORMON RACE

THE GREAT MORMON RACE
The Mormons are ringing
Standing on my porch
In the manner of Diogenes
With his heavy torch.
But I never have believed
The cant of these pretty youths.
I sincerely doubt that they
Are in possession of the truth.

I have been patient with them
Explaining my atheism
But they talked right over me
As if I hadn’t heard them.
They let me know that Jesus
Has answers to all questions.
I object saying that I don’t recall
Having ever asked them.

Trust me, early morning
Is not the best time
To knock on my door.
I consider it a crime.
You don’t have a thing
That I want to hear
First thing any day,
So don’t come near.

My sister, right next door,
Told them she was a witch
And that only seemed to cause
Their choice of cant to switch.
I have even explained that
Saturday is my day to sleep in
But that only seems to give
A chance for scripture to slip in.

So, that one last Saturday
Eight a.m. on the nose,
I heard the doorbell ring
And prepared, I rose.
I opened the door naked
With a smile on my face.
That’s when I saw it
The Great Mormon Race.

Trust me, early morning
Is not the best time
To knock on my door.
I consider it a crime.
You don’t have a thing
That I want to hear
First thing any day,
So don’t come near.

The Mormons don’t come
Around here any more.
I looked, but haven’t seen
Any warning on my door,
But they must have marked
And entry into their records
“Behind this innocent looking door
Lives the local pervert.”

Trust me, early morning
Is not the best time
To knock on my door.
I consider it a crime.
You don’t have a thing
That I want to hear
First thing any day,
So don’t come near.

Brent Kincaid
2/18/2015

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2 thoughts on “GREAT MORMON RACE

  1. jmpuncut

    Love it. I offered them Whiskey, etc. They declined and still asked to come in. Should have tried the flashing but its a felony in Idaho.
    I like Forrest Gump’s reply; “Have you found Jesus yet, Gump?” ~Lt. Dan
    “I didn’t know I was supposed to be looking for him” ~Forrest Gump

    Reply
    1. kauaiartist Post author

      I am so glad you connected with this poem the way you did as it is exactly as I hoped the reader would. Anyone who has ever been bechristed by these folks when trying to get in that one day a week of sleeping late should understand.

      Thank you, Brent Kincaid, WordMusic.

      Reply

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